Arriving 20 minutes early for all meetings, dinners, and appointments has been regarded as a mark of discipline and respectfulness. Nevertheless, based on psychological insights, there are certain individuals who feel the urge to arrive early because of an underlying emotional issue that makes them fear that being late may inconvenience other people, and as a result, they might be considered unwelcome, unvalued, or even unloved. Clearly, all individuals who tend to be punctual do not fit into this category. For instance, some people find it enjoyable to prepare in advance. On the other hand, arriving at your destination extremely early can be considered a compulsive behavior, and psychologists claim that it stems from certain beliefs that have been acquired during childhood.
The underlying belief of always being on time
According to many psychologists, the underlying belief is a core belief, a belief about oneself formed due to repeated childhood experiences. A person raised in an environment where any mistake, delay, or inconvenience was met with disapproval will form a belief that his/her value lies in making things easy for everybody else.These people usually act in subtle ways as adults. For example, they tend to be very early, apologize frequently, do not ask for help, and get extremely nervous when they keep others waiting. Sometimes, it is not about being on time; it is about emotional safety.
Childhood experiences can determine these patterns
Based on attachment and development theories, children adjust themselves according to the emotional world that surrounds them. If at alla child is taught either explicitly or implicitly that love is contingent upon being “easy,” “good” or “low maintenance,” then he/she becomes excessively aware of others’ needs rather than his/her own.
Eventually, such a person starts thinking:
• “If I make things difficult for people, they’ll start liking me less.”• “Perfection equals safety.”• “I have to win love from others by not making any trouble for them.”• “My needs are secondary to those of everyone else.”Such beliefs generally continue into adulthood unconsciously.
How being early becomes a means for coping emotionally
For many people, showing up twenty minutes early helps to minimize anxiety. This approach eliminates any form of uncertainty and allows people to feel more in control of the situation.Instead of running the risk of being late and feeling guilty or embarrassed about not wanting to upset someone, they build up a very wide safety net. Though this approach helps to minimize anxiety temporarily, it can also contribute to maintaining the same anxiety because people do not learn how to cope with being late sometimes.This type of behavior is known as safety behaviors in psychology.
It can be related to perfectionism as well
There is evidence in favor of the relation between fear of making mistakes and perfectionism. For some perfectionists, even being late once in a while seems to be an individual failure rather than a simple incident. These people set their standards so high that any deviation from punctuality becomes an unbearable psychological strain.
Not all early people have emotional traumas
It should be kept in mind that one should not try to draw conclusions about others based on their actions. There are many reasons why individuals tend to arrive early: they like being punctual, their professional activities encourage punctuality, they account for the possible traffic jams, or simply do not like being late.Psychologists advise against judging individuals based on a single behavior. What is more important is whether such behavior is rigid or flexible. If a person is able to arrive on time or just a little bit later without experiencing severe guilt or anxiety, there is no reason to think that this individual has some kind of emotional trauma.
A more balanced view
Feeling good is not about being careless and tardy; feeling good is about understanding that your self-worth is not defined by your perfectionism. A healthy relationship is not necessarily based on the idea of never causing inconvenience to anyone else; rather, it’s based on trust, respect, honesty, and understanding. Reliability is definitely an important trait; however, there’s no need to be reliable out of fear. One of the most liberating teachings psychology offers is understanding that your love does not depend on perfection.Disclaimer: This psychological insight describes a possible pattern, not a universal truth. Arriving early is often simply a personal preference or good time management.
